When it comes to parents giving career advice to their teenage children, timing is almost everything! How, when, what and where you deliver your advice are key elements in establishing good communication with your child. But a close second is the content itself, which we will discuss in the days ahead. Today, our focus is on the delivery of your wise counsel.

Good Timing

Never, ever, attempt to provide “good advice” in or immediately after conflict, disappointment, or failure. That would be like putting salt into an open wound. Advice is best received when your kids open a door or a window into their heart and invite you in. There are many things that moms and dads can do to foster those opportunities, like a trip out for some ice cream, time at a baseball game, even taking the family dog for a walk. Without the trust factor, however, that open invitation that says, “Yes, I trust you; what do you think about this or that (Mom or Dad)?” your well-meaning advice will likely not be heard or welcomed.

Start Early

You can’t start too early to engage your kids in meaningful & substantive conversations about things that really matter in life. In some respects this falls in line with a previous post about critical thinking, but starting out when your kids are young will put you miles ahead in the game. Work hard to establish a good trust-foundation before your kids get into the latter grade school years because even the best of kids find themselves wrestling with a lot of different issues once they hit junior high school.

It’s Not About You

Your career advice should not be about you. Starting almost any sentence with, “When I was your age, I…” is a sure-fire way to disconnect from your son or daughter very quickly. Neither can your advice be a masquerade for boasting or pride about your accomplishments.

Many kids are intimidated by their parents’ accomplishments if they are completely honest with themselves. In families where the parent(s) are high achievers, some kids may just opt out of the race thinking that they could never measure up with their parents so why try.

The “career advice” realm is definitely adult territory where many kids will feel embarrassed or intimidated. Generally speaking, these conversations should take place one-on-one well beyond earshot of other siblings.

Proverbs 22:6 reads, “Train up a child the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” One of our most important tasks as parents is to help our kids find their way (emphasis on “their way” rather than “our way.”)

False Starts

As our kids strike out to find what they like and don’t like in the career realm, there are going to be false-starts. Remember, a child finding out what they do not want to do or don’t like can be almost as important as finding out what they do like.

Parents cannot play Monday morning quarterback with their kids when things have gone wrong. This is especially true in situations where a child is trying something new. The “I told you so” comments, or even looks, no matter how warranted they may be will only drive a wedge between parents and kids that much more. In this context, it is helpful to remember that your child is really a child of God who has been entrusted into your care for safe-keeping and training. Any embarrassment or disappointment in a given matter on your part- you have to chuck it into the round-file and let it pass.

The Path

Our role as parents is to help our kids find their path in life rather than blaze the path for them or be dictatorial about the path they should pursue. As much as we parents may want a particular child to pursue this or that direction, at the end of the day it is their choice and their life.

Tomorrow’s Post….Career Advice for Teenagers – Part 2